WHAT’S IT LIKE BEING ON THE RECEIVING END OF YOU?
When have we ever asked ourselves that juicy little question, right?
We’re usually far more comfortable explaining what we meant.
“I was just trying to help!”
“I was only being honest!”
“I was just asking a question!”
Any of those sound familiar? Yep. Me too.
We might know what we meant in our own head. Other people only have what we said, how we said it, and whether we let them finish a sentence.
And sometimes, there’s a whopping great gap between the two.
The advice you thought was helpful? It might have felt like taking over.
The explanation you thought was crystal clear? They’re still trying to work out what you need from them.
And that conversation where you were being such a good listener? There’s a chance you did most of the talking. Awkward.
It’s uncomfortable to think about, especially when you care about getting it right. But good intentions don’t always land the way we hope.
CHECK YOSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOSELF
Think of one relationship at work that could do with a little love.
Maybe it’s a leader you don’t quite see eye to eye with. A colleague who knows exactly where your buttons are. Or someone you don’t vibe with.
You can probably think of a few things they could do differently.
For a moment, though, let’s turn the mirror around.
When that person walks away from a conversation with you, how do they feel?
Heard or hurried?
Valued or judged?
Clear or confused?
Empowered or micromanaged?
Energised or exhausted?
You might have a pretty good idea. But how much of that answer comes from what they’ve told you, and how much comes from what you hope they feel?
Oof. Worth sitting with that one for a minute.
YOUR NOVEMBER CHALLENGE: STOP GUESSING. START ASKING.
Choose someone whose opinion you value. Bonus points if you don’t always agree.
Then ask:
“What’s it like being on the receiving end of me?”
If that feels a bit big, or they look at you like you’ve grown a second head, try something more specific:
“What do I do that makes it easier to talk to me?”
“Is there anything I do that makes it harder?”
“What’s one thing I could do differently to make our conversations better?”
And then comes the tricky bit.
ZIP IT.
Let them finish. Leave a little silence. Give them time to find the words.
When you feel the urge to explain what you actually meant, take a breath. You can understand their experience without immediately defending your intentions.
If you need more detail, try: “Can you give me an example?”
And when they’ve finished, thank them. Especially if it was a bit uncomfortable to hear.
You don’t have to work out what to do with every piece of feedback on the spot. Give yourself time to think about it, then choose one thing to try.
ONE LAST THING…
You can’t control other people’s reactions, and you’re not responsible for every wobble in a working relationship.
But you do have a say in how you show up: whether you interrupt, how quickly you jump in with advice, the tone you use when you disagree.
Sometimes, changing one of those things gives the other person room to respond differently too.
So this month, get curious about the experience people are actually having with you. You might hear something reassuring. You might hear something that makes you wince a little. Both can be useful.
And here’s one last thought to take into your next conversation:
You might not be the problem. But you might be part of the pattern.
Go get ’em, Tiger. And remember to let them get a word in.
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