The Cost of Avoiding Conversations
- Carly (CJ) Shorter
- Mar 2
- 3 min read
Let me ask you something.
What’s the conversation you’ve been avoiding?
You know the one.
The underperformance
The weird tension in the team
The missed deadline you let slide
The unfair distribution of work
And if I asked why you haven’t had it yet, you’d probably say:
“I don’t want to upset them.”“I need more information.”“It’s not the right time.”“They’re going through a lot.”
Okay.
Now here’s the harder question:
What’s it costing you not to have it?
The Conversation That Changed My Leadership
Years ago, I was brand new to people leadership.
National Sales Manager.
Half my team were flying.
Half… not.
I was frustrated. Avoiding. Unsure how to step into accountability properly.
(And honestly? Part of me thought: Surely they know they’re doing a rubbish job.)
Then my CEO at the time, Ness, called me into a meeting.
Just the two of us.
Her business.
My reputation on the line.
And she had the conversation.
Not fluffy.
Not aggressive.
But clear and direct.
She asked:
What’s actually happening?
Why aren’t you addressing performance?
What’s getting in the way?
Yikes.
It was awkward as hell.
I felt exposed. Defensive. Uncomfortable.
But here’s what matters:
She cared enough about me to risk me being salty with her.
And if she hadn’t?
I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing now
I’d have no credibility in leadership
And I certainly wouldn’t be teaching this through Communicate Powerfully
That conversation was a gift.
At the time? It felt hard.
Looking back? It was growth.
The Real Cost of Avoidance
When you avoid conversations:
Underperformance becomes the norm
High performers get resentful (and may leave)
Standards quietly drop
Trust erodes
Your credibility takes a hit
And here’s the uncomfortable truth:
If it’s your job to lead and you’re not having the conversations that matter the responsibility sits with you.
Not because you’re bad.
Because you’re in charge.
A Practical Frame: C.O.I.N
C - Care
Start with what you genuinely care about and link it to something they care about.
“I care about you succeeding in this role, and I know you care about having opportunities to do work you enjoy.”
O - Observation
State the facts. Be specific. Keep it practical — not personal.
“In the last three team meetings, you arrived late and unprepared.”
I - Impact
Be honest about the effect.
“It undermines your credibility and the team’s trust — and to be honest, I feel frustrated.”
N - Next Steps
Check in and move forward together.
“Are you okay? Is there something going on I can help with? What needs to change? What support do you need?”
Make This Real
Grab a pen.
Ask yourself:
What conversation am I currently avoiding?
What is it costing me — really costing me?
What is it costing my team?
How would I structure it using COIN?
When will I have it?
And if you’re choosing not to have the conversation…
What are you choosing instead?And what is THAT costing you?
Ready to Build This Skill?
If this is an area you want to strengthen, come and join us inside the Communicate Powerfully public course (Link below).
Or dive into practical tools and insights on the Communicate Powerfully YouTube channel (Link below).
Because avoiding it doesn’t make it disappear.
It just makes it more expensive.
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