The “Bad Attitude” Problem That’s Actually an Expectation Problem
I had a guy on a course last week.
Let’s call him Matt.
He said:
How do I get this dude to plug in? He’s the last to arrive, first to leave, the work is average… and now the attitude is spreading.
He’d already spoken to him.
Then he admitted:
Yeah… I can be pretty blunt.
So I asked him one question:
What does this guy actually care about?
Silence.
Because here’s the thing.
When someone is not performing the way you expect them to, it is usually one of five things:
Do they actually know it’s their job, and what is expected?
Do they know how to do it?
Is there a system or process in place?
Do they care?
Are they being managed?
We ruled out 1, 2 and 3 pretty quickly.
So we landed on:
He doesn’t care
And/or he’s not being managed well
And this is where most people go wrong.
They talk about the person instead of talking to them.
Because talking about them feels easier.
Less risky.Less awkward.Less uncomfortable.
But it also changes nothing.
Here’s how to have the conversation.
1. Start with care
Try something like:
“I need to talk with you about work, and it might feel a bit uncomfortable, but I’m committed to our team doing a good job.”
Then, if you can:
“And I know you care about…”
If you don’t know what they care about, that’s your first job.
Do some reconnaissance. Pay attention. Ask questions. Find out.
Because if you want someone to care about the standard, you need to understand what matters to them first.
2. Stick to observations
Facts only.
Not:
“You’ve got a bad attitude.”
Try:
“This is what I’ve noticed. You were late on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday last week, and you left early on Monday this week.”
Specific behaviour.
No labels.No character assassination.No mind reading.
3. Name the impact
“I need to be clear about where things are at. It’s affecting the team. It’s below the standard we need. And it’s my job to get things back in line.”
This is the bit people often avoid.
But if you soften it so much that the other person doesn’t understand the seriousness, you haven’t helped them. You’ve just made the conversation more confusing.
4. Agree on what happens next
“What can I do to support you to arrive and leave on time?”
“What do we agree needs to happen from here?”
Then be clear:
“We’ll catch up again on Friday and see how it’s gone. If there’s no change by then, this is what will happen next…”
That could mean more support.
More check-ins.Clearer expectations.Or formal steps if needed.
But it needs to be a two-way conversation with an agreed action.
Not a vague chat that everyone walks away from interpreting differently.
But the other person still controls the meaning they take from them.
One thing most people miss
Before you go into the conversation, ask yourself:
“What is one thing I genuinely respect about this person?”
Because respect shows up in how you say things.
And if it’s not there, they’ll feel it instantly.
Quick reality check
As humans, we often assume:
“They should just know what I expect.”
They don’t.
Or at least, they may not know it in the same clear, specific way you think they do.
So try this.
2-minute activity
Think of one person in your team right now.
The tricky one.
Now write this down:
1. What is one behaviour that needs to change?Be specific. Not “attitude”. What are they actually doing?
2. Why does it matter?What is the impact on the team, the work, the customer, or the standard?
3. What do I actually want instead?What does good look like?
If you can’t answer those clearly, they definitely can’t either.
Clear expectations might feel uncomfortable to say.
But unclear expectations are much worse to live with.
And if this is your world right now, this is exactly the kind of real, practical stuff we get into in the 2-day Communicate Powerfully course.
What to say
How to say it
How to make expectations clear
And how to actually change behaviour without making everything weird
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