When the world falls into silence, we are left alone with our thoughts in the quiet moments. It's during these times that our inner dialogue takes center stage. What we say to ourselves about ourselves when we're by ourselves shapes our self-perception and, ultimately, our lives.
Understanding my internal dialogue has been an enlightening adventure filled with whimsical and harsh encounters. I have discovered two distinct voices that dwell within me - my Inner Coach and my Inner Critic.
My Inner Coach is an effervescent spirit I named Annabelina. ‘She’s a movie star with a cute smile and a mighty guitar...’, a character from a beloved childhood song that echoed through the halls of Belmont Primary School in Lower Hutt during the 80s. Annabelina embodies encouragement, a gentle whisper urging me to reach for the stars even when they seem out of grasp.
On the other hand, my Inner Critic, whom I humorously named ‘Tight-ass Tina’, met me much earlier in life. Tina is reminiscent of Miss Trunchbull from Matilda, albeit her approach is more covert and passive-aggressive. Her favorite phrases are haunting reminders like, ‘You’re not as good as you think you are,’ or ‘It’s not safe to stand out.’
Through the years, Tina's voice echoed through the corridors of my mind, often overshadowing Annabelina’s tender cheer. However, I decided to turn the tables a decade into our acquaintance. Naming my Inner Critic was the first step towards regaining control. It allowed me to acknowledge the impact of Tina’s harsh words on my self-esteem and well-being.
Engaging in self-reflection, I learned to notice my thoughts, name my feelings, and understand their origins. This practice has been a window into my beliefs and the catalyst for changing my narrative. By giving personas to my internal dialogue, I’ve been able to separate myself from the self-imposed criticisms and embrace a more compassionate self-talk.
This newfound self-awareness has enabled me to be my best friend, laugh with Annabelina, and silence Tina when necessary. It's a daily practice of choosing kindness over criticism, a lesson I learned from Dan Harris’s insightful talk on fostering self-compassion. Dan’s narrative resonated with me, shedding light on alternative ways to cultivate resilience and love for oneself.
Our inner dialogue is a powerful tool in our journey of self-discovery and self-improvement. It's about finding balance, understanding our emotions, and nurturing a kind-hearted conversation with ourselves. As we navigate life’s ups and downs, may we continually learn to be gentle with ourselves, cherishing the whimsical Annabelinas and facing the Tight-ass Tinas with courage and a sprinkle of humor. Teaching us that before we can communicate powerfully with others, we must first communicate powerfully (effectively and respectfully) with ourselves.
Effective communication is at the heart of all great relationships, and as Tony Robbins wisely puts it, ‘The quality of your relationships reflects the quality of your life.’ By cultivating a respectful and empowering dialogue with ourselves, we set the foundation for enriching every interaction and furthering our personal and interpersonal growth journey.
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